Born to Rock

Scott WalkerRight now I'm watching a film on BBC4 about Scott Walker. You know, that bloke that David Bowie, Radiohead, Pulp et al always namecheck. So far the film is 50% interesting information and 50% random shots of famous musicians nodding with their eyes closed, Scotty crooning in the background.

What I have been wondering for many years is, why do Men of Rock always have such skinny legs? When I think of the Beatles I think of their twig-like pins in those natty grey suits. Mick Jagger, AC/DC, Johnny Rotten, every boofheaded hipster in the NME. All of 'em!

Which comes first – the body or the rock? Do blokes hit the age of 16 or so and look in the mirror, Right. I've got no arse and tiny legs, I'd better join a band! Or do the legs come later; a product of the rock lifestyle – sex, drugs and malnourishment. Are there heaps of really talented bottom-heavy blokes sulking in their bedrooms, not even trying because they know they won't look good in drainpipe jeans?

If you can think of someone truly rockin' with chunky thighs let me know!

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26 thoughts on “Born to Rock

  1. Queue complaint from Dr G: “Are you saying my legs are skinny and I have no arse?” [in Scottish accent]

    You’re in trouble now!

    Scott F 🙂

  2. I knew you people would be helpful, woohoo! 🙂

    The Beef! Of course.

    But the Loaf. Hmmm. He doesn’t really rock in my opinion. Hehe.

    And yes, Elvis had sturdy thighs! but maybe is more swaggering Uh Huh Huh Huh than ROCK.

  3. I don’t know if you were still in Oz when Courtney was on Australian Idol. He is a big boy as is his brother who was a contestant the next year. THEY BOTH ROCK!!

  4. Not quite rock’n’roll, but that bloke from Bare Naked Ladies can rock out with the best of them… and he’s no twig.

  5. Hmmm. I can’t really think of any men at all with chunky thighs. Chunky other parts, maybe, but not thighs. I suppose rugby players have sturdy legs…

    They Might Be Giants have a skinny half and a chunkier half. I’m not sure that proves anything, though (except that I’ve been to more TMBG gigs than anyone else’s gigs.)

    I meant to watch that thing about Scott Walker! Was Neil Hannon in it? He seems to be morphing into SW as time goes on, musically if not physically…

  6. What about the Magic Numbers (really liked the first album, only heard a single from the 2nd and didn’t like it)? They are a chunky funky bunch.

  7. Okay my vote for “rock boy with skinniest legs” goes to: Chris Robinson from The Black Crows (especially in his younger years).

    And my vote for “most rockin’est chunky-leg rock boy” goes to: Charles Thompson (a.k.a. Black Francis or Frank Black) from The Pixies.

    Come to think of it, considering his ultra-high rating of rockness, he may in fact have several skinny legged men living within each of his legs.

  8. I too vote for Jack Black, I can’t think of any others though.
    On a slightly different note, one of my ex-boyfriends played bass and fitted the profile of most aspiring rockstars, as listed above, and as an extra bonus he had a well developed slouch and one incrediably, disturbingly muscular arm from playing bass.
    Has anyone else noticed this on other potential or active rockstars or was it actually a sign of his possible addiction to special films with bad plots?

  9. As soon as you asked the question – Meatloaf came to mind!!! But then I see that a few other people have made the connection – there must be more!!

  10. There is currently a Very Famous English Band staying across the road while they record an album.
    (All hush-hush, of course. Apparently common practice round here, U2 stayed up the road when they were in Sydney.)

    They are all very youthful, handsome and skinny. yes, VERY skinny legs, I must say. All of them.

  11. I think you’re right about those skinny legged boys and bands. As for the thick legged gents, it has already been mentioned but it’s totally worth saying again: Charles Michael Kittredge Thompson a.k.a. Black Francis or Frank Black of the Pixies. Such a rockin’ man!


    And good call on Frank Black too!

    And I do like the phrase… Chunky Little Fella.

    K – I don’t think Neil Hannon was in that doco. Lots of Jarvis Cocker and David Bowie and Marc Almond and Alison Goldfrapp.


  13. They are all skinny so that they can wear the rock star Red No-Arse Pants. Sit down and watch Rage or something like it one night and count the number of skinny little guys you see wearing red pants. Clearly it is the red pants that mean you’re a rock star, and it’s the ability to wear the Red No-Arse Pants that determines whether you’re destined to be a rock star or not.

  14. Hmm, he is not especially skinny but nor is he especially chunky, but he is the personification of ROCK, so much so that he cannot drive, for, lo! He does not need do for he is forever borne aloft on a wave of rock… and with the Scotland/ Australia connections surely Angus Young of AC/DC is slightly chunky and rock and, like, everything? He is certainly not a skinny arse, and ‘chunky little fella’ might just fit.
    AC/DC was my first ever concert – AND I got the tickets from a roadie. C’mon, tell me I’m a rock chick!

  15. (Current-day) Trent Reznor, Henry Rollins and Andrew WK.

    I also have wondered about the emaciated leg syndrome. Is it purposeful? Do they lie around all day in hope that they might achieve maximum muscle wastage?

    It can’t all be due to the ‘rock&roll lifestyle” – evidence: Shaun Ryder.

  16. It’s not just rock… you should check out Dwight Yoakam’s legs… 2 of his equals 1 of mine!

  17. Red No-Arse Pants… mwahahhaaaaa.

    Donalda, Angus is indeed the personification of rock. they had a great AC/DC concert on telly last year, it was old school, a university gig. and they all looked SO tiny. you have never seen such tiny jeans. but they were all more really lean as opposed to skinny, if that makes sense!?

    tickets from a roadie… top work, rock chick! 🙂

  18. The singular and seminal and decidedly Chunky Bob Mould the lead singer guitarist and song writer from the band Hüsker Dü.

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