Posing Is Mandatory

gok.jpgWe were sailing on the sea of shops in London and spotted our albatross – How To Look Good Naked host Gok Wan sipping coffee in Cafe Nero. I would have touched him for good luck but my hands were already full of shopping bags. Some silly stuff like Batman undies but also useful stuff like a non-brown dress to wear to a wedding in July. I argued with Rhiannon and Margaret that it made me look like a flower pot but caved in the end as it was half price and I couldn't be arsed trying on more dresses.

I'm still useless with clothes. I spent all my teens and much of my twenties being very large and depressed in my uniform of jeans and billowing tops. As I got smaller I just kept buying the same thing in decreasing sizes. Then I spent much of last year writing a book in my pajamas. Now back in the real world, I always seem to look conservative and… brown. I've wasted so much of my youth – I want to have some fun with clothes before it's time for rayon slacks and eau de mothball.

To kickstart this process, style muffins Rhiannon and Margaret kindly volunteered to come shopping. It was a very generous thing to do, given my tendency to give up if a garment gets more complicated than a drawstring waist.

But there was just one minor hissyfit, when they made me try on a pair of patent stilettos. The salesladies kept hovering and asking WHY did I refuse the patent stilettos and I finally snapped, "BECAUSE THEY LOOK CHEAP AND SLUTTY"

"Woohoo!" Margaret crowed, "We made her break down! This is totally our Trinny and Susannah moment!"

It was a truly cracking day; one of those ones where you remember how good it is to be a lady and hang out with your fellow ladies. Thank you thank you thank you.

Rhi and Margaret cleverly pre-empted my usual shopping apathy by laying down these Rules first thing in the morning. Click the pic for a more readable version!

The Rules

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

Find out more about me and how we can work together – I’m now booking for January 2022.

7 thoughts on “Posing Is Mandatory

  1. “Because they look cheap and slutty!” I bet that girl has two pairs of those shoes at home, one black and one red. Or leopard print. Leopard print patent leather. Noice.

    I hate shopping. Hate it. I can never find anything I like and if I find something it invariably looks god-awful on me. Hate it. I have a very short fuse so usually give up after half an hour and stop for coffee. I need friends like yours, or friends like Trinny & Susannah, to kick my butt and get me back into that changeroom. I also need friends to kick my butt and get me back to the gym.

  2. Big outrage in our local paper when one of the Navy ships returned to port. Photographer took a pictures of Navy wife/girlfriend from the lower calf on down-in pink stilletto heels (complete with price tag visible on the sole). Some were outraged-it portrayed Navy wives as sluts. Other praised it. Me-I wondered how her feet felt at the end of the day. You got to admit, pink shoes are cool. Although, what would they go with? Pink or black.

  3. I keep thinking about Carson from Queer Eye going on about choosing clothing that fits “you” well and not just choosing for “fashion”. I hate shopping because of “fashion”. I just want to find something that fits well and looks good. If it fits well and you feel comfortable in it, you’ll look hot right? Urgh. Now sales assistants, you may just have opened up a can of worms. I apparantley have a “fuck off” face I give. They should just be there ready for when you need to ask them for a size! I don’t care what they think – thank you very much.

  4. “Because they look cheap and slutty!” I bet that girl has two pairs of those shoes at home, one black and one red. Or leopard print. Leopard print patent leather. Noice.

    Hear hear!

  5. i hear ya with the cheap and slutty, girl, i hate shopping so much, i let my sisters pick my wedding dress, and they didn’t do so bad either. but hey, you’ve worked so hard that you deserve to strut your stuff in pretty things!

  6. Thanks for commenting you guys 🙂 I have had about 50 spam comments on this entry today and I am just going spare so will close them for awhile and see if they PISS RIGHT OFF.

Comments are closed.