Nigella Returns

Draft entry from last September when I was addicted to Nigella Express and Gareth tried to contain his disdain for poncy food programmes.


  • Nigella still foxy
  • Has abandoned suggestive deep-throating of runner beans
  • Still does “Spontaneous” Midnight Fridge Raid at the end of every episode.

SHAUNA:  I wonder where you get that garlic oil?
GARETH:  From London.

SHAUNA:  I can never find those mini chocolate chips.
GARETH:  That’s because they’re in London. You can only get them in London.

NIGELLA:  I love making quick and easy food for my friends after they’ve had a stressful, hard day’s work.
GARETH:  Get down a pit!

NIGELLA’S DINING COMPANION:  What is that delicious flavour with the chickpeas?
NIGELLA:  It’s a bag of rocket, darling.
GARETH:  That’s preposterous. What a tosser. Everybody kens rocket. I come fae Fife and even I ken the taste of rocket!

(I love how when Gareth gets irritated about poshness his speech suddenly turns all Fifer-like, eh.)

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

Find out more about me and how we can work together – I’m now booking for January 2022.

15 thoughts on “Nigella Returns

  1. She should be shot for calling someone “darling” on TV. Unless she was talking to the Chancellor. Maybe even then. I love Nigella’s books but can’t bear to watch her on TV.

  2. ‘ken’ means know
    and I think he means ‘try working down a pit’, like the coal pits/mines to experience a hard day’s work?

    Or have I lost the plot completely?? 🙂

  3. oh, i have a nigella cookbook. all the pages are stuck together.

    I wish to BE nigella one day when they invent the technology.



  4. I just can not warm to Nigella… and I know it has an awful lot to do with her Dad being Nigel Lawson one time Chancellor of the Exchequer and despoiler of the poor of the UK.

    But also in part because she is a middle aged woman who simpers and bats her eyelashes like a blasted nit wit coquette.

    Act your age woamn…. and atleast behave like you benefitted from that expensive education your evil father paid for. Currently you behave like an idiot.

    Sorry to rant… gew up in Scotland under the bastard Tories.

  5. Shauna,

    I just saw that your book is being published in Germany. Promise me that if you come over for an exotic launch that we can meet up for a beer? Meanwhile I promise to stalk bookshops and photograph your work!

  6. ilinga – thank you very much for translating! hope that helped, sharon 🙂

    Diane – I think it’s out in early January… I doubt the publisher’s budget would stretch to a visit but if I get lucky we should meet up! Beers ahoy! 🙂

  7. I have to report that, thanks to Gareth, ‘Get down a pit!’ is now a regular ‘anti-posh-eejit’ catchphrase in our house…

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