Long Haul

There needs to be a word for the pathological loathing one feels when boarding a plane and having to walk through the First and/or Business class sections en route to your own pissweak Economy class seat. Nothing makes me spew more with futile rage than seeing a fully reclined someone with a pre-takeoff glass of champagne in their hand, especially at the start of your third eight-hour flight of the day.

Another delight of long haul travel is watching your reflection progress through increasing levels of shithouse. With each trip to the bathroom the hair has limpened a few more notches; the eye bags bloom; the tiny pimples peek above the surface.

We got back to Scotland today and I think it is possible (but bloody impractical) to be equally in love with two countries. For example: when I first got to Melbourne, an Aussie accent came strolling over the speakers, "Passengers arroiving from Duboi, yer bagserat carousel foive!"

Shortly afterwards at Carousel Foive, a tiny Glaswegian lady suddenly thrust her handbag at her grandson. "HOUD MAH BAG, SON! HERE IT COMES!" * she rasped, before throwing herself on top of her wheelie suitcase as it trundled by.

Both sounds were music to my ears.

* I wish I knew how to capture an extremely thick Weegie accent. but I have been awake for thirty house.

Update: That was 18 April and it's now 7 May. I dunno where I was going with this but will post anyway!

About Shauna Reid

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3 thoughts on “Long Haul

  1. Yeah I get like that when I’ve been awake for thirty house too… I think.

    Only ever done one long haul flight and thankfully it was a ‘turn left for them wot has monies, turn right if yer in the cheap seats’ so I never really saw what I was missing.

    Didn’t stop me imagining though.

  2. Shame you weren’t looking to fly now.
    Qantas has 2 for 1 Business class tickets on offer at the moment!
    You could have been one of those fully reclined passengers, with a pre-takeoff glass of champagne in your hand!

  3. I got to use an international business class loo once. Had to go once we’d landed and apparently the economy loos were all backed up.

    Cor! I’d always wondered how anyone who wasn’t a contortionist could achieve the mile high club. Now I know. Coulda done jumping jacks in there with room to spare! Mirror on the back of the door, places to hang your clothes etc etc And it’s a really dunny, not those scary looking ones in economy.

    The better travelling seats are a given, but knowing how much bore cushy the loos are? I’ve had a jealous thing for business class ever since

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