MotoGP is Dead

A backlog of drafts published long after they were relevant.
Episode #1 — September 28, 2008

Valentino-rossi Valentino Rossi zoomed to his sixth MotoGP world title in Japan this morning while I snoozed soundly in my scratcher.

It’s hard to believe that just two years ago I would set the alarm to watch the long-haul races live. I planned my social engagements around the MotoGP calendar. I actually fainted from excitement at the final 2006 race in Valencia. MotoGP was thrilling, unmissable, daring, dangerous, dramatic and addictive.

And now it just. SUCKS. BALLS.

It started last year when the 990cc machines were replaced by wimpy 800’s and they also changed the tyre rules. Sure it was nice to see Australia’s Casey Stoner steal the title but with a few exceptions, every week he’d just ping into the distance and finish twenty minutes before everyone else while Gareth nodded off on the couch despite me whimpering, “No! WAKE UP! It’s still good! Something exciting is bound to happen soon. You can’t give up on MotoGP!”

This year has been even more abysmal, with the exception of Laguna Seca where Casey and Vale fought like dogs until Casey fell off for no good reason. Gareth has stopped watching all together and even the most pathetic diehard like me cannot muster any enthusiasm. The BBC commentary team is barely disguising their boredom – today it was so desperate Steve Parrish actually did a shoutout for someone’s birthday.

The situation is summarised by the brilliant

“Last season was terrible – a cavalcade of tedious events sparsely interjected with droplets of averageness. 2007 didn’t just lower the bar – it dropped it onto the earth’s crust in what we thought was the lowest point it could have reached.

But how wrong we were… 2008 has stamped the pathetic bar into the putrid quagmire whilst successfully claiming that the biggest surprise was the lack of big surprises.

Surely 2009 can’t be as bad? Well we said that at the end of 2007. Expect a 2009 season of utter mediocrity that way you’ll only be slightly disappointed.”

Personal lowlights:

  • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes feigning interest in their matching leather jackets at Laguna Seca
  • The environmentally obscene floodlit race at Qatar
  • The inaugural Indianapolis round with three (3) spectators and cyclonic winds

The BBC’s Suzi Perry doesn’t even bother showing up to half the races because she has seen into the future and the future is dull as dog shit. The only highlight of the season has been Matt Roberts getting more screen time – he writes a great column too.

I fear for the future of MotoGP. It was one of the few interests Dr G and I truly shared and if he can’t be bothered with the bikes what it is to become of us? I’ll have to climb more stinking hills and drink real ale so we have something to talk about, dammit.

Carmelo Ezpeleta you have ruined my sport and my marriage, you greedy bastard.

UPDATE: Season 2009 is actually pretty good so far! The new single tyre manufacturer rule has leveled the playing field somewhat. There is hope for the future.

UPDATE UPDATE: ACTUALLY, Season 2009 ended up being equally dull. DULL DULL DULL. MotoGP is clearly doomed.

About Shauna Reid

Ahoy there! I’m Shauna, an author, copywriter and content mentor. I love telling stories about life and helping others to tell theirs.

Find out more about me and how we can work together – I’m now booking for October 2021.

4 thoughts on “MotoGP is Dead

  1. What will I write if not? I’ve ran out of insults. Maybe I need to read James Toseland’s book to remind me that things can still get duller?

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