This is an Instagram post that sprouted forth today – I wanted to share here too.
I posted an Instagram Story earlier about finding my book in the Seattle Public Library today. I was dorking out with joy. It came out in the US way back in 2009, so never thought it would be there. Yet I posted a photo of the book with a flippant comment, because I didn’t feel like I should celebrate.
I have a lot of muddled feelings about Dietgirl. On one hand it means the bloody world. Not just the dorky dream of writing a book, but because of the conversations and connections I’ve made with people who kindly read it. Some have become great friends and beloved Instabuddies.
What I struggle with is contradictory. First there are the feelings of failure for not remaining the After photo, like that invalidates any value of the book entirely. I wrote about the After photo struggles on my blog for awhile, then slinked away from the topic. I avoided people and places. There’s been so much shame and fraudy feels.
Then there is the part of me that has come to understand and accept that diets work for so very few people. And the realisation that I bought into the myth for about 30 years. At times I worry the book could be part of the problem.
Then there is the part of me that is so bloody done hiding and ready to make peace with it all. That is excited to finally be in the early stages of recovery from a very old eating disorder. That is happy in my skin and is getting better each day at eating and moving and living with kindness. That is also proud of this little book and so bloody grateful to the people who read it and for everyone who reached out.
So to conclude the ramblefest, I’m really chuffed the (well-thumbed!) book was in the library, but pretty excited about the next chapter.